Natrag > Kultura i zabava > Vicevi

Vicevi Ako ste čuli dobar vic, ispričajte ga cijelom forumu

Tematski alati Opcije prikaza
Old 07.11.2006., 20:10   #41
meni je chuck zakon nevolin one njegove serije ali kao tip je stvarno dobar
Ih-pih is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 07.11.2006., 21:01   #42
Going to Thailand and not fucking a ladyboy is like going to Turkey and not eating a kebab.
Cypress Hill is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 18.01.2007., 00:32   #43
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He
> holds up the phone and money falls out.
> - Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him
> there was a stripper in it.
> - Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat
> lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
> - There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten
> to different shades of black and blue.
> - When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because
> it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
> - Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers
> are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark
> red.
> - A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of
> execution in 16 states.
> - When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet.
> Water gets Chuck Norris.
> - Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big
> Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
> - Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
> - When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay.
> It will be because he has run out of women.
> - How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could
> ChuckNorris? ...All of it.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble
> themselves out of fear.
> - In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even
> larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
> - Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
> - If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of
> Australia for 44 minutes.
> - Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
> - The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris
> has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and
> tears.
> - A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1
> billion words.
> - Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each
> action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in
> reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
> - Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck
> -Will-Kill.
> - When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the
> French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
> - While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
> - Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it
> became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from
> his autobiography.
> - When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
> - When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When
> ChuckNorris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
> - Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in
> his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
> - Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to
> go around.
> - Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only
> thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
> - For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For
> ChuckNorris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
> - Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
> - When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will
> score over 8000.
> - Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire
> spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
> - When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One
> roundhouse kick to the face.
> - Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the
> 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail
> Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the
> game UNO.
> - On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be
> thrown into the sun.
> - Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris
> throws down!
> - In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse
> kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of
> the universe.
> - Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
> - Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water
> with his own rage.
> - Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the
> year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered ChuckNorris"
> - Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
> - Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly
> destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
> - If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will
> generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
> - Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven
> seconds.
> - Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean
> section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and
> the other nine faint.
> - The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an
> island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave
> enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
> - It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
> - You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in
> real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will
> find you and kill you.
> - Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless
> it gets in his way.
> - The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until
> ChuckNorris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
> - There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives
> in Oklahoma.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Prodajem B. Mikšića
mrzm smglsnk is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 18.01.2007., 00:32   #44
> - When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around
> people. He walks through them.
> - Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made
> him blink.
> - James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However,
> upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a
> documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
> - Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
> - Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so
> terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that
> all of its decendents now have white hair.
> - Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and
> won.
> - It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to
> make him destroy an orphanage.
> - Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a
> Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became
> pregnant instantly.
> - Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris
> pajamas.
> - Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening
> news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75%
> chance of Pain.
> - Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds
> back into coal.
> - When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's
> pushing the Earth down.
> - Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual
> intercourse, and football-- in that order.
> - A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide
> is caused by God pissing his pants.
> - Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close
> enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
> - There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team"? not even
> close.
> - Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of
> physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics.
> With his fists.
> - An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't
> know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs,
> bedframes, and sidewalks.
> - Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a
> fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm
> stadium in San Diego.
> - Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe
> out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
> - Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because
> revenge is a dish best served cold.
> - Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of
> All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
> - Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
> - Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition
> at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim.
> This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out
> of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.
> - Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too
> frightened to beat a path to his door.
> - The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris
> instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as
> Chuckroundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.
> - Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that
> gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef
> jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
> - If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever
> fight himself, he'd win. Period.
> - Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what
> he calls everything around you.
> - The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and
> "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or
> kicking a pedestrian.
> - Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element
> called Chucktanium.
> - The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until
> ChuckNorris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him.
> The Army,
> for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a
> weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass
> enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't
> before his first space expedition.
> - Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then
> cried himself to sleep.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
> - The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had
> to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
> - Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a
> documentary.
> - Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place
> out of sheer terror.
> - There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so
> he turned the sun up.
> - A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:
> 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
> - It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for
> crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce
> Chuck Norris' skin.
> - Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
> - Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown
> shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
> - Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must
> ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The
> reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State,
> and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in
> his place.
> - Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
> - Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually
> they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor
> wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
> - The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse
> kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
> - As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked
> away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the
> 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional
> football history.
> - Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email
> a roundhouse kick.
> - Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before
> unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
> - Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads:
> "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
> - Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
> - Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
> - 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout,
> ChuckNorris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
> - Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
> - When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast.
> His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
> - According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can
> actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
> - Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and
> skewered three men through the heart with it.
> - In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to
> the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific
> research.
> - Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
> - When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of
> worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the
> Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
> - Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
> beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Prodajem B. Mikšića
mrzm smglsnk is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 18.01.2007., 00:33   #45
> - In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost
> their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or
> ugly.
> - Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and
> roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't
> be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
> - If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
> - If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named
> Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
> - Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also
> detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from ChuckNorris."
> - Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because
> ChuckNorris doesn't run.
> - MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but
> ChuckNorris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
> - Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead
> man, there is Chuck Norris.
> - What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't
> use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-
> Chuck-Norris-Division".
> - Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings,
> industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
> - The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half
> and count the rings.
> - There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well
> it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
> - Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that
> merciful.
> - The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to
> political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a
> single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
> - Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
> - The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
> - Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to
> make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
> - Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because
> ChuckNorris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
> - When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
> - On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb
> back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the
> lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing
> it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and
> the good Chuck, he taketh away.
> - Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
> - Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find
> Chuck Norris, he finds you.
> - Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
> - Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of
> a plane and punched the ground.
> - It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a
> mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and
> fathered himself.
> - Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only
> recognizes the element of surprise.
> - It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's
> true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
> - Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
> - That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving
> the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
> - Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
> - Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for ChuckNorris.
> Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
> - Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly
> enough balls.
> - Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A:
> None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
> - As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear
> itself. And Chuck Norris."
> - Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would
> collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
> - Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related
> deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
> - Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker,
> Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
> - Chuck Norris invented the internet? just so he had a place to store
> his porn.
> - Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and
> people move.
> - It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a
> Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
> - Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest
> against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
> - Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris
> needs toothpicks.
> - Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is
> Chuck Norris' personal chef.
> - When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from
> cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
> requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his
> back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
> - Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
> - "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what
> ChuckNorris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
> - When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say
> 'please'."
> - Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven
> from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
> - One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection.
> There were no survivors.
> - Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
> JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with
> his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets
> the information he wants.
> - Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid
> of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of
> a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
> - Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is
> injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This
> is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower
> the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
> - When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk
> gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that"
> because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries
> with anything. Ever.
> - Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are
> known today as Giraffes.
> - Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare
> will liquefy your kidneys.
> - Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then
> it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet
> another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this
> contact would end the universe.
> - Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again.
> One Grand Canyon is enough.
> - Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw
> porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
> - If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If
> ChuckNorris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the
> kick will
> tear out your pancreas.
> - In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be ChuckNorris.
> - Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest
> of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
> - Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
> - Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The
> ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he
> was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
> - Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
> - The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs
> Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into
> preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds
> long.
> - Chuck Norris' sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and
> 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
> - Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Prodajem B. Mikšića
mrzm smglsnk is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 18.01.2007., 00:34   #46
- Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had
> killed and eaten.
> - Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He
> only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.
> - The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which
> case, forget it buddy!
> - For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home
> is where he stores his collection of human skulls.
> - Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris
> roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
> - Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was
> roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent
> him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
> - Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street...
> he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
> - Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up
> the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
> - How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a
> tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
> - The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's
> co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a
> broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to
> be the case.
> - When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
> - If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell
> "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
> - Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite
> your damn eyes off.
> - Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man
> anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his
> ass and take it.
> - Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the
> better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the
> throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
> - The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger".
> Starring Chuck Norris.
> - Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris'
> basement".
> - The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe
> Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
> - Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from
> outer space by the naked eye.
> - Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the
> heads off of Siberian Tigers.
> - He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by
> ChuckNorris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
> - The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the
> worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
> - The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind
> ChuckNorris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone
> off.
> - Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of
> Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career.
> - Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper
> eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the
> face.
> - Chuck Norris can taste lies.
> - Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris
> kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in
> the billions.
> - One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed
> the entire state of Ohio.
> - Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse
> kicked her into a glacier.
> - In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick
> Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick
> Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western
> Hemisphere. Anywhere.
> - Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
> - They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after
> ChuckNorris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue
> and eat him.
> - Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
> - Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it
> was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared
> without a mustache. And a head.
> - When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels
> like it's been raped.
> - 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to
> most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal
> deaths.
> - Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
> - The only sure things are Death and Taxes?and when Chuck Norris goes
> to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
> - Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
> - With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry
> about his drinking habit.
> - The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square
> ChuckNorris, the result is death.
> - chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny
> white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
> - To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one
> roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
> - There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and
> Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of
> fear.
> - If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire
> arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who
> in their right mind would try this?
> - 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his
> dick.
> - Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then
> awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
> - The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took
> when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the
> molten crater of an active volcano.
> - Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
> - Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself
> in the Atlantic Ocean.
> - Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke
> it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack
> Bauer and MacGyver.
> - MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and
> Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus.
> MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
> - Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture
> techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain.
> ChuckNorris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death
> with it. Game,
> set, match.
> - Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets
> to kill the cow.
> - The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be
> created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site
> stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
> - Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
> - It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your
> future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a
> roundhouse-kick to the face.
> - Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the
> definition of mercy.
> - Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris
> with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris
> cannot be in two places at the same time.
> - Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick
> with blood.
> - When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a
> personal insult.
> - Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the
> dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and
> a stroke of the beard.
> - 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every
> year.
Prodajem B. Mikšića
mrzm smglsnk is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 18.01.2007., 00:35   #47
> - Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but
> Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
> - Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
> - All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a
> roundhouse kick to the face.
> - If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut
> you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.
> - July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born.
> Coincidence? i think not.
> - Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are
> unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
> - In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris
> Disease"
> - Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
> - If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his
> three-hole-punch.
> - In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris".
> Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by
> Chuck Norris.
> - The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about ChuckNorris.
> - Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If
> you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you
> are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
> - When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world
> economy.
> - Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But
> only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he
> roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
> - Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
> - Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always
> replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to
> the face.
> - As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave
> the world Stonehenge.
> - Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did
> what it was told.
> - Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising
> Rookie".
> - There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and
> Chuck Norris.
> - President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris
> carried his the same distance in half the time.
> - Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
> - What many people dont know is chuck norris is the founder of planned
> parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.
> - Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992
> exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to
> Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
> - Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona
> 500, without a car.
> - Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds,
> half wood-grain alcohol.
> - Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
> - The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These
> are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
> - Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed
> them out.
> - Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
> - A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was
> promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
> - Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
> - Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the
> southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot
> Pockets.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
> - Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet
> that Chuck Norris is on.
> - When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is
> also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
> - Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while
> he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
> - Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks
> for a body bag.
> - There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just
> kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
> - A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles".
> ChuckNorris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he
> exploded.
> - Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from
> Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and
> rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
> - In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against
> King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
> - Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire
> FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he
> roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
> - For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath
> his shirt, directly into his chest.
> - In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with
> special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
> - We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away
> from Chuck Norris.
> - It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every
> time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.
> - The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were
> 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.
> - Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until
> first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.
> - The 11th commandment is "Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris" This
> commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
> - Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
> - Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two
> wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
> - Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then
> roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
> - Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of
> light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead
> before the lightbulb turns on.
> - When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but
> he only eats its soul.
> - Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks
> and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
> finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his
> soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted
> he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
> the month.
> - Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because
> he's not acting.
> - If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
> - Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away.
> They are called astronauts.
> - Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate
> lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50
> states.
> - A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee
> was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for
> inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
> - Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to
> Tokyo.
Prodajem B. Mikšića
mrzm smglsnk is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 18.01.2007., 00:35   #48
> - They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a
> problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
> - Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic
> car wash, instead of taking a shower.
> - "Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets
> too hot.
> - Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the
> size of a quarter.
> - After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he
> had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said
> "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids
> from?"
> - Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people
> nightmares.
> - When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator
> movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
> - There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates
> trailer parks.
> - Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable
> 32nd-degree mason.
> - Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But
> then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
> - The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's
> co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a
> broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to
> be the case.
> - Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from
> outer space by the naked eye.
> - Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact,
> Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific
> analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments
> inside the Hope Diamond.
> - Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He
> walked.
> - The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed
> a back scratcher.
> - Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He
> completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall
> trowel.
> - Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
> - Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV
> by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
> - For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a
> chariot pulled by two electric eels.
> - The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it
> was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris
> Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
> - Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
> - Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get
> bad-ass that is.
> - TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
> - After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was
> congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
> - Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.
> - "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as
> ChuckNorris' theme song.
> - Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly
> foolish enough to attack him.
> - Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
> - When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
> - Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his
> victims.
> - In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay
> close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the
> faint texture of his beard.
> - Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is
> still bigger than yours.
> - They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris
> killed the cat. Every single one of them.
> - There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met
> Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his
> motives.
> - When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first
> nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
> - One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the
> answer.
> - Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition
> for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
> - Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
> - The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he
> took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried
> northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.
> - Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
> - The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by
> Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris
> kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.
> - Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
> - Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is
> actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the
> episode.
> - The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.
> - When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
> - Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling
> ball.
> - According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before
> that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle
> with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.
> - Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to
> kill you...Fourty seven times.
> - The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs.
> Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a
> roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.
> - Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
> - Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
> - Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The
> tsunamis were killing people.
> - Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture;
> he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
> - They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the
> answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a
> Roundhouse Kick."
> - Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an
> opposable thumb. On his penis.
> - A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips,
> saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the
> chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.
> - Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
> - In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't
> chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the
> jeep.
> - Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact
> that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God."
> - "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what
> ChuckNorris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
> - Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing
> as protection from Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka
> airport.
> - Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't
> bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
> - Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds.
> With his fists.
> - In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born
> from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man
> is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
> - Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
> - When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and
> you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out
> alive.
> - Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood
> and guts".
> - Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing
> that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms
> off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head,
> killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a
> rusty tent spike and bailing wire.
Prodajem B. Mikšića
mrzm smglsnk is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 18.01.2007., 00:36   #49
> - Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
> - Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting
> anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
> - Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his
> grocery shopping at Home Depot.
> - Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then
> destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
> - Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything
> ChuckNorris touches turns up dead.
> - Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.
> - Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What
> most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of
> Chuck Norris."
> - Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200
> nickels.
> - For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical
> duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more "Missing in Action" sequels, and
> that war will have never actually existed.
> - Chuck Norris' penis has a Hemi.
> - Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he
> removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of
> it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on
> his balloon animal.
> - Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one
> hand.
> - Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.
> - Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a
> box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you
> receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to
> get.
> - For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.
> - There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande,
> Venti, and Chuck Norris.
> - During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured.
> For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
> - Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a
> lighter.
> - Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside
> and brands his cattle.
> - Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.
> - Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in
> ChuckNorris's kindergarten class.
> - Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.
> - The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing
> that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the
> can.
> - Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct
> one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie.
> - Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.
> - Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that
> consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental
> states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If
> you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick
> to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.
> - Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.
> - Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because
> ChuckNorris wanted his nickname back.
> - If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris
> hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the
> shrieking terror in your soul.
> - Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile
> takeover.
> - He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris ?
> dies.
> - Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but
> because he can piss on whatever he wants.
> - Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to
> his nipples.
> - Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds
> your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate,
> whickey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.
> - Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
> - Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
> - "One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along
> with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm
> ChuckNorris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a
> way as to
> make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty
> good for a deer!'"
> - People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to
> be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
> - Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks
> questions later.
> - When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the
> doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
> - Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It's
> actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one
> in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse
> kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but
> the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it's simply
> not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.
> - Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing
> Chuck Norris for every answer.
> - Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
> - Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by
> roundkicking them in the face.
> - Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.
> - People have often asked the United States, What is your secret
> weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Chuck Norris
> - Chuck Norris wears Orion's Belt around his pinky toe and he eats
> with the Big Dipper.
> - Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.
> - Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is
> looking for it.
> - Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known
> as Sir Beatdown.
> - Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated.
> Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated.
> - In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly
> because they knew Chuck Norris was coming.
Prodajem B. Mikšića
mrzm smglsnk is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 18.01.2007., 00:37   #50
> - Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class
> at the same time.
> - There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris
> is always in control.
> - Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris
> is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.
> - There are four legal methods of execution in the United States:
> lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.
> - Earth's emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is ChuckNorris.
> - Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down
> - Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
> - On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score
> over 8000
> - The United States could save billions in defense funding if they
> trade the Military for Chuck Norris
> - When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun
> to shame
> - Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma.
> - When Chuck norris found this web-site while surfing the internt, he
> round house kicked his computer...10 new facts were added
> instantly.including this one
> - You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless
> you're Chuck Norris
> - No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a
> fish.
> - Chuck Norris is '' The best a man can get ''
> - On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating
> heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris
> believes every day should be Valentine's Day.
> - Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris
> shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas".
> - Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
> - Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of
> "the best damn espresso on Earth".
> - Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last
> is the rest of the cow.
> - Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about!
> - Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own.
> - Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse
> kick him in the face before the bullet hit.
> - Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.
> - The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris.
> - The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat.
> - The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and
> right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his
> beard.
> - When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The
> casinos just give him stacks of money.
> - In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device.
> - When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the
> above the horizon.
> - The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want
> get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
> - Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of
> its residents.
> - Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.
> - When somebody yells "Last one in is a rotten egg," Chuck Norris is
> never the rotten egg.
> - Chuck Norris invented the question mark.
> - Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child.
> - Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg.
> - Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music,
> Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his
> lady?just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face.
> - Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
> - If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and
> 0.000000000000000000001thof a second he can write the Complete Works
> of Shakespeare
> - Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
> - Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.
> - The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8
> roundhouse kicks a second.
> - Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from
> ChuckNorris. Not to be outdone,
> Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
> - Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.
> - Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.
> - Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!
> - Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are
> now dead.
> - When Chuck Norris sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE
> EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next.
> - Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.
> - Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb
Prodajem B. Mikšića
mrzm smglsnk is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 21.01.2007., 11:06   #51
ovo je predobro
Tumbling down the rabbit hole...
U najdaljem kutu moje sobe miješam Sun i miješam Javu
drRade is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 21.01.2007., 17:51   #52
Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb
evo ovo me sad uništilo

Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg.

ako ovo budem i dalje čitao, rasparat će mi se trbuh od smijeha pa ću imati problema

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
jedan od najboljih...
ivtau is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 22.01.2007., 08:54   #53
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Today is even worse than yesterday. Booze I found yesterday is gone, and I got nothing left to drink... Some heads are about to roll...
THE dzubre is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 23.01.2007., 01:30   #54
When Chuck jumps in to the water, Chuck doesn't wet, the water Chuck's
Michael Collins is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 23.01.2007., 14:28   #55
bila/o bi jako sretna/an kad bi bilo što od ovog svega kužila/o
malo janje is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 23.01.2007., 15:41   #56
Nema beda, Chuck Norris će ti telepatski poslati spoznaju o tome, samo ako ga zamoliš...

Evo tipa: Chuck Norris ti je svemogući teksaški rendžer iz istoimene serije. Konzultiraj google
goranbo is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 23.01.2007., 15:45   #57
malo janje kaže: Pogledaj post
bila/o bi jako sretna/an kad bi bilo što od ovog svega kužila/o
a jado, ne ide ti English ili ne znaš tko je Chuck
ivtau is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 08.02.2007., 10:33   #58
Navodno jedina snimka smrti Shucka Norrisa... nekako mi nije uvjerljiva..
Moeder! Wat wilt u? Ik kan nijet slapen! Waarom nijet? Ik heb mijn goofd gestototen.
"E, moj prijatelju! Lako ti je brojat mrtve nakon bitke!!!" - Nimoy L.
MukiŠtaRadišTiUnutra is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 10.02.2007., 04:48   #59
čak noris je rojao do bezbroj dva puta.
čak noris nema kuu on dode u kuću a ljudi se iz sele
čak noris koristi tabasco kao oakpi za oci
čak noris ne nosi sat on određuje vrijeme
Larocco is offline  
Odgovori s citatom
Old 11.02.2007., 02:29   #60
čak noris vadi limes iz divergentnog niza
čak noris racuna logaritme negativnih brojeva
čak noris dobije realna rjesenja jednadzbe x^2+x+1=0
čak noris zna objasniti što je to točka

ovo je bio trenutak inspiracije
"Odmah se vraćam"
~ Godot
King Bong is offline  
Odgovori s citatom

Tematski alati
Opcije prikaza

Kreni na podforum

Sva vremena su GMT +2. Trenutno vrijeme je: 12:54.