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Old 07.11.2006., 20:10   #41
meni je chuck zakon nevolin one njegove serije ali kao tip je stvarno dobar
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Old 07.11.2006., 21:01   #42
istinabog
...
...
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Old 18.01.2007., 00:32   #43
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He
> holds up the phone and money falls out.
> - Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him
> there was a stripper in it.
> - Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat
> lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
> - There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten
> to different shades of black and blue.
> - When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because
> it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
> - Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers
> are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark
> red.
> - A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of
> execution in 16 states.
> - When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet.
> Water gets Chuck Norris.
> - Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big
> Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
> - Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
> - When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay.
> It will be because he has run out of women.
> - How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could
> ChuckNorris? ...All of it.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble
> themselves out of fear.
> - In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even
> larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
> - Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
> - If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of
> Australia for 44 minutes.
> - Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
> - The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris
> has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and
> tears.
> - A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1
> billion words.
> - Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each
> action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in
> reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
> - Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck
> -Will-Kill.
> - When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the
> French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
> - While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
> - Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it
> became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from
> his autobiography.
> - When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
> - When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When
> ChuckNorris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
> - Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in
> his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
> - Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to
> go around.
> - Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only
> thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
> - For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For
> ChuckNorris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
> - Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
> - When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will
> score over 8000.
> - Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire
> spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
> - When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One
> roundhouse kick to the face.
> - Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the
> 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail
> Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the
> game UNO.
> - On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be
> thrown into the sun.
> - Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris
> throws down!
> - In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse
> kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of
> the universe.
> - Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
> - Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water
> with his own rage.
> - Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the
> year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered ChuckNorris"
> - Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
> - Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly
> destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
> - If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will
> generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
> - Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven
> seconds.
> - Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean
> section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and
> the other nine faint.
> - The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an
> island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave
> enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
> - It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
> - You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in
> real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will
> find you and kill you.
> - Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless
> it gets in his way.
> - The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until
> ChuckNorris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
> - There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives
> in Oklahoma.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
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Old 18.01.2007., 00:32   #44
> - When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around
> people. He walks through them.
> - Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made
> him blink.
> - James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However,
> upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a
> documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
> - Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
> - Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so
> terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that
> all of its decendents now have white hair.
> - Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and
> won.
> - It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to
> make him destroy an orphanage.
> - Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a
> Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became
> pregnant instantly.
> - Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris
> pajamas.
> - Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening
> news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75%
> chance of Pain.
> - Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds
> back into coal.
> - When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's
> pushing the Earth down.
> - Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual
> intercourse, and football-- in that order.
> - A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide
> is caused by God pissing his pants.
> - Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close
> enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
> - There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team"? not even
> close.
> - Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of
> physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics.
> With his fists.
> - An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't
> know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs,
> bedframes, and sidewalks.
> - Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a
> fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm
> stadium in San Diego.
> - Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe
> out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
> - Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because
> revenge is a dish best served cold.
> - Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of
> All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
> - Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
> - Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition
> at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim.
> This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out
> of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.
> - Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too
> frightened to beat a path to his door.
> - The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris
> instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as
> Chuckroundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.
> - Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that
> gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef
> jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
> - If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever
> fight himself, he'd win. Period.
> - Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what
> he calls everything around you.
> - The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and
> "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or
> kicking a pedestrian.
> - Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element
> called Chucktanium.
> - The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until
> ChuckNorris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him.
> The Army,
> for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a
> weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass
> enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't
> before his first space expedition.
> - Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then
> cried himself to sleep.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
> - The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had
> to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
> - Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a
> documentary.
> - Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place
> out of sheer terror.
> - There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so
> he turned the sun up.
> - A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:
> 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
> - It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for
> crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce
> Chuck Norris' skin.
> - Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
> - Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown
> shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
> - Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must
> ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The
> reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State,
> and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in
> his place.
> - Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
> - Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually
> they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor
> wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
> - The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse
> kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
> - As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked
> away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the
> 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional
> football history.
> - Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email
> a roundhouse kick.
> - Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before
> unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
> - Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads:
> "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
> - Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
> - Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
> - 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout,
> ChuckNorris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
> - Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
> - When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast.
> His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
> - According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can
> actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
> - Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and
> skewered three men through the heart with it.
> - In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to
> the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific
> research.
> - Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
> - When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of
> worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the
> Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
> - Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
> beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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Old 18.01.2007., 00:33   #45
> - In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost
> their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or
> ugly.
> - Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and
> roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't
> be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
> - If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
> - If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named
> Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
> - Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also
> detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from ChuckNorris."
> - Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because
> ChuckNorris doesn't run.
> - MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but
> ChuckNorris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
> - Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead
> man, there is Chuck Norris.
> - What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't
> use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-
> Chuck-Norris-Division".
> - Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings,
> industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
> - The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half
> and count the rings.
> - There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well
> it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
> - Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that
> merciful.
> - The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to
> political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a
> single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
> - Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
> - The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
> - Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to
> make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
> - Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because
> ChuckNorris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
> - When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
> - On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb
> back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the
> lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing
> it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and
> the good Chuck, he taketh away.
> - Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
> - Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find
> Chuck Norris, he finds you.
> - Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
> - Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of
> a plane and punched the ground.
> - It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a
> mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and
> fathered himself.
> - Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only
> recognizes the element of surprise.
> - It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's
> true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
> - Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
> - That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving
> the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
> - Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
> - Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for ChuckNorris.
> Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
> - Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly
> enough balls.
> - Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A:
> None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
> - As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear
> itself. And Chuck Norris."
> - Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would
> collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
> - Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related
> deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
> - Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker,
> Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
> - Chuck Norris invented the internet? just so he had a place to store
> his porn.
> - Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and
> people move.
> - It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a
> Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
> - Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest
> against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
> - Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris
> needs toothpicks.
> - Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is
> Chuck Norris' personal chef.
> - When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from
> cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
> requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his
> back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
> - Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
> - "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what
> ChuckNorris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
> - When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say
> 'please'."
> - Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven
> from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
> - One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection.
> There were no survivors.
> - Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
> JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with
> his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets
> the information he wants.
> - Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid
> of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of
> a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
> - Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is
> injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This
> is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower
> the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
> - When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk
> gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that"
> because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries
> with anything. Ever.
> - Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are
> known today as Giraffes.
> - Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare
> will liquefy your kidneys.
> - Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then
> it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet
> another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this
> contact would end the universe.
> - Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again.
> One Grand Canyon is enough.
> - Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw
> porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
> - If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If
> ChuckNorris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the
> kick will
> tear out your pancreas.
> - In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be ChuckNorris.
> - Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest
> of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
> - Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
> - Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The
> ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he
> was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
> - Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
> - The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs
> Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into
> preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds
> long.
> - Chuck Norris' sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and
> 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
> - Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
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Old 18.01.2007., 00:34   #46
- Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had
> killed and eaten.
> - Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He
> only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.
> - The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which
> case, forget it buddy!
> - For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home
> is where he stores his collection of human skulls.
> - Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris
> roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
> - Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was
> roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent
> him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
> - Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street...
> he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
> - Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up
> the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
> - How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a
> tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
> - The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's
> co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a
> broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to
> be the case.
> - When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
> - If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell
> "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
> - Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite
> your damn eyes off.
> - Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man
> anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his
> ass and take it.
> - Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the
> better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the
> throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
> - The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger".
> Starring Chuck Norris.
> - Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris'
> basement".
> - The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe
> Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
> - Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from
> outer space by the naked eye.
> - Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the
> heads off of Siberian Tigers.
> - He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by
> ChuckNorris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
> - The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the
> worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
> - The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind
> ChuckNorris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone
> off.
> - Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of
> Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career.
> - Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper
> eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the
> face.
> - Chuck Norris can taste lies.
> - Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris
> kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in
> the billions.
> - One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed
> the entire state of Ohio.
> - Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse
> kicked her into a glacier.
> - In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick
> Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick
> Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western
> Hemisphere. Anywhere.
> - Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
> - They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after
> ChuckNorris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue
> and eat him.
> - Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
> - Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it
> was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared
> without a mustache. And a head.
> - When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels
> like it's been raped.
> - 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to
> most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal
> deaths.
> - Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
> - The only sure things are Death and Taxes?and when Chuck Norris goes
> to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
> - Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
> - With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry
> about his drinking habit.
> - The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square
> ChuckNorris, the result is death.
> - chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny
> white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
> - To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one
> roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
> - There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and
> Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of
> fear.
> - If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire
> arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who
> in their right mind would try this?
> - 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his
> dick.
> - Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then
> awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
> - The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took
> when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the
> molten crater of an active volcano.
> - Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
> - Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself
> in the Atlantic Ocean.
> - Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke
> it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack
> Bauer and MacGyver.
> - MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and
> Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus.
> MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
> - Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture
> techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain.
> ChuckNorris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death
> with it. Game,
> set, match.
> - Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets
> to kill the cow.
> - The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be
> created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site
> stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
> - Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
> - It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your
> future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a
> roundhouse-kick to the face.
> - Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the
> definition of mercy.
> - Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris
> with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris
> cannot be in two places at the same time.
> - Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick
> with blood.
> - When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a
> personal insult.
> - Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the
> dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and
> a stroke of the beard.
> - 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every
> year.
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Old 18.01.2007., 00:35   #47
> - Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but
> Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
> - Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
> - All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a
> roundhouse kick to the face.
> - If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut
> you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.
> - July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born.
> Coincidence? i think not.
> - Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are
> unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
> - In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris
> Disease"
> - Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
> - If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his
> three-hole-punch.
> - In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris".
> Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by
> Chuck Norris.
> - The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about ChuckNorris.
> - Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If
> you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you
> are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
> - When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world
> economy.
> - Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But
> only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he
> roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
> - Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
> - Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always
> replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to
> the face.
> - As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave
> the world Stonehenge.
> - Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did
> what it was told.
> - Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising
> Rookie".
> - There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and
> Chuck Norris.
> - President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris
> carried his the same distance in half the time.
> - Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
> - What many people dont know is chuck norris is the founder of planned
> parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.
> - Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992
> exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to
> Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
> - Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona
> 500, without a car.
> - Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds,
> half wood-grain alcohol.
> - Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
> - The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These
> are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
> - Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed
> them out.
> - Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
> - A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was
> promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
> - Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
> - Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the
> southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot
> Pockets.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
> - Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet
> that Chuck Norris is on.
> - When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is
> also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
> - Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while
> he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
> - Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks
> for a body bag.
> - There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just
> kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
> - A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles".
> ChuckNorris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he
> exploded.
> - Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from
> Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and
> rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
> - In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against
> King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
> - Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire
> FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he
> roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
> - For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath
> his shirt, directly into his chest.
> - In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with
> special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
> - We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away
> from Chuck Norris.
> - It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every
> time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.
> - The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were
> 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.
> - Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until
> first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.
> - The 11th commandment is "Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris" This
> commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
> - Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
> - Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two
> wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
> - Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then
> roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
> - Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of
> light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead
> before the lightbulb turns on.
> - When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but
> he only eats its soul.
> - Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks
> and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
> finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his
> soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted
> he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
> the month.
> - Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because
> he's not acting.
> - If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
> - Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away.
> They are called astronauts.
> - Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate
> lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50
> states.
> - A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee
> was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for
> inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
> - Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to
> Tokyo.
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Old 18.01.2007., 00:35   #48
> - They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a
> problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
> - Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic
> car wash, instead of taking a shower.
> - "Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets
> too hot.
> - Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the
> size of a quarter.
> - After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he
> had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said
> "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids
> from?"
> - Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people
> nightmares.
> - When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator
> movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
> - There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates
> trailer parks.
> - Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable
> 32nd-degree mason.
> - Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But
> then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
> - The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's
> co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a
> broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to
> be the case.
> - Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from
> outer space by the naked eye.
> - Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact,
> Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific
> analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments
> inside the Hope Diamond.
> - Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He
> walked.
> - The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed
> a back scratcher.
> - Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He
> completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall
> trowel.
> - Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
> - Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV
> by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
> - For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a
> chariot pulled by two electric eels.
> - The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it
> was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris
> Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
> - Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
> - Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one
> bad-ass that is.
> - TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
> - After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was
> congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
> - Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.
> - "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as
> ChuckNorris' theme song.
> - Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly
> foolish enough to attack him.
> - Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
> - When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
>
> - Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his
> victims.
> - In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay
> close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the
> faint texture of his beard.
> - Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is
> still bigger than yours.
> - They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris
> killed the cat. Every single one of them.
> - There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met
> Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his
> motives.
> - When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first
> nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
> - One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the
> answer.
> - Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition
> for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
> - Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
> - The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he
> took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried
> northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.
> - Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
> - The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by
> Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris
> kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.
> - Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
> - Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is
> actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the
> episode.
> - The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.
> - When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
> - Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling
> ball.
> - According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before
> that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle
> with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.
> - Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to
> kill you...Fourty seven times.
> - The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs.
> Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a
> roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.
> - Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
> - Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
> - Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The
> tsunamis were killing people.
> - Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture;
> he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
> - They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the
> answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a
> Roundhouse Kick."
> - Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an
> opposable thumb. On his penis.
> - A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips,
> saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the
> chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.
> - Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
> - In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't
> chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the
> jeep.
> - Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact
> that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God."
> - "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what
> ChuckNorris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
> - Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing
> as protection from Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka
> airport.
> - Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't
> bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
> - Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds.
> With his fists.
> - In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born
> from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man
> is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
> - Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
> - When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and
> you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out
> alive.
> - Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood
> and guts".
> - Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing
> that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms
> off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head,
> killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a
> rusty tent spike and bailing wire.
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Old 18.01.2007., 00:36   #49
> - Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
> - Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting
> anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
> - Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his
> grocery shopping at Home Depot.
> - Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then
> destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
> - Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything
> ChuckNorris touches turns up dead.
> - Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.
> - Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What
> most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of
> Chuck Norris."
> - Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200
> nickels.
> - For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical
> duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more "Missing in Action" sequels, and
> that war will have never actually existed.
> - Chuck Norris' penis has a Hemi.
> - Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he
> removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of
> it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on
> his balloon animal.
> - Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one
> hand.
> - Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.
> - Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a
> box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you
> receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to
> get.
> - For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.
> - There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande,
> Venti, and Chuck Norris.
> - During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured.
> For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
> - Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a
> lighter.
> - Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside
> and brands his cattle.
> - Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.
> - Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in
> ChuckNorris's kindergarten class.
> - Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.
> - The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing
> that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the
> can.
> - Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct
> one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie.
> - Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.
> - Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that
> consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental
> states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If
> you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick
> to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.
> - Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.
> - Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because
> ChuckNorris wanted his nickname back.
> - If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris
> hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the
> shrieking terror in your soul.
> - Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile
> takeover.
> - He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris ?
> dies.
> - Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but
> because he can piss on whatever he wants.
> - Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to
> his nipples.
> - Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds
> your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate,
> whickey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain.
> - Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.
> - Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
> - Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
> - "One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along
> with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm
> ChuckNorris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a
> way as to
> make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty
> good for a deer!'"
> - People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to
> be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
> - Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks
> questions later.
> - When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the
> doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
> - Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
> - Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It's
> actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one
> in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse
> kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but
> the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it's simply
> not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.
> - Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing
> Chuck Norris for every answer.
> - Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
> - Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by
> roundkicking them in the face.
> - Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.
> - People have often asked the United States, What is your secret
> weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Chuck Norris
> - Chuck Norris wears Orion's Belt around his pinky toe and he eats
> with the Big Dipper.
> - Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.
> - Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is
> looking for it.
> - Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known
> as Sir Beatdown.
> - Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated.
> Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated.
> - In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly
> because they knew Chuck Norris was coming.
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Old 18.01.2007., 00:37   #50
> - Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class
> at the same time.
> - There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris
> is always in control.
> - Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris
> is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.
> - There are four legal methods of execution in the United States:
> lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.
> - Earth's emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is ChuckNorris.
> - Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down
> - Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
> - On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score
> over 8000
> - The United States could save billions in defense funding if they
> trade the Military for Chuck Norris
> - When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun
> to shame
> - Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma.
> - When Chuck norris found this web-site while surfing the internt, he
> round house kicked his computer...10 new facts were added
> instantly.including this one
> - You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless
> you're Chuck Norris
> - No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a
> fish.
> - Chuck Norris is '' The best a man can get ''
> - On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating
> heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris
> believes every day should be Valentine's Day.
> - Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris
> shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas".
> - Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
> - Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of
> "the best damn espresso on Earth".
> - Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last
> is the rest of the cow.
> - Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about!
> - Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own.
> - Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse
> kick him in the face before the bullet hit.
> - Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.
> - The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris.
> - The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat.
> - The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and
> right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his
> beard.
> - When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The
> casinos just give him stacks of money.
> - In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device.
> - When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the
> above the horizon.
> - The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want
> get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
> - Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of
> its residents.
> - Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.
> - When somebody yells "Last one in is a rotten egg," Chuck Norris is
> never the rotten egg.
> - Chuck Norris invented the question mark.
> - Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child.
> - Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg.
> - Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music,
> Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his
> lady?just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face.
> - Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
> - If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and
> 0.000000000000000000001thof a second he can write the Complete Works
> of Shakespeare
> - Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
> - Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.
> - The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8
> roundhouse kicks a second.
> - Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from
> ChuckNorris. Not to be outdone,
> Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
> - Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.
> - Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.
> - Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!
> - Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are
> now dead.
> - When Chuck Norris sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE
> EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next.
> - Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.
> - Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb
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Old 21.01.2007., 11:06   #51
ovo je predobro
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Old 21.01.2007., 17:51   #52
Quote:
Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb
evo ovo me sad uništilo

Quote:
Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg.

ako ovo budem i dalje čitao, rasparat će mi se trbuh od smijeha pa ću imati problema

Quote:
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
jedan od najboljih...
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Old 22.01.2007., 08:54   #53
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

najaci
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Old 23.01.2007., 01:30   #54
When Chuck jumps in to the water, Chuck doesn't wet, the water Chuck's
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Old 23.01.2007., 14:28   #55
bila/o bi jako sretna/an kad bi bilo što od ovog svega kužila/o
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Old 23.01.2007., 15:41   #56
Nema beda, Chuck Norris će ti telepatski poslati spoznaju o tome, samo ako ga zamoliš...

Evo tipa: Chuck Norris ti je svemogući teksaški rendžer iz istoimene serije. Konzultiraj google
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Old 23.01.2007., 15:45   #57
Quote:
malo janje kaže: Pogledaj post
bila/o bi jako sretna/an kad bi bilo što od ovog svega kužila/o
a jado, ne ide ti English ili ne znaš tko je Chuck
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Old 08.02.2007., 10:33   #58
Navodno jedina snimka smrti Shucka Norrisa... nekako mi nije uvjerljiva..

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1136801280
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Old 10.02.2007., 04:48   #59
čak noris je rojao do bezbroj dva puta.
čak noris nema kuu on dode u kuću a ljudi se iz sele
čak noris koristi tabasco kao oakpi za oci
čak noris ne nosi sat on određuje vrijeme
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Old 11.02.2007., 02:29   #60
čak noris vadi limes iz divergentnog niza
čak noris racuna logaritme negativnih brojeva
čak noris dobije realna rjesenja jednadzbe x^2+x+1=0
čak noris zna objasniti što je to točka



ovo je bio trenutak inspiracije
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