Moj povijesni roman - Pendragon (prva verzija)

[Michael Collins]

Kent, Maidstone monastery,Year of our Lord 1430.
James Cobb, Kings personal chronicler

At the begging of my journey, I went to the place where it all began, in Kent, ancestral home of the House Pendragon.
There, I was given a great honor to personally meet the legendary John Winter, a warior and a general, who at the end of his great life, spent his last days in the unlikeliest of all places - in a monastery.
I spent a great deal of time, trying to convince him to even talk with me.
I offered him a special promise that the that the records will not be altered , on which he smiled ironically,and said, that if that were to be true, i would't come that far to become a King's propagandist.
But finally, he agreed to talk with me, we met the next day, in the courtyard.

Cobb: You are also from Kent, or did you join Uther's cause from other part of the country?

Winter: No, my lineage is from Kent, the House of Winter were vassals of the Pendragons since the days our ancestors took this land from the Gauls...

C: At what age did you become a soldier?

W: Since I was old enough to carry a sword...
We were a warrior clan, and our main purpouse was to give soldiers and allies to the Pendragons.
My father served to them, as was his father and so on...
I was 16 when i had to rule our House, since my father and brothers died athe the battlefield.

C: That was with the Danes, or was that earlier skirmish?

W: No, it was a couple of years earlier, when Vortigen, Uther's father joined other Saxon lords to wage was on the Gauls in Cornwall...
I served as a squire at the time, and we broke into Cornwall in the Year of our Lord 1365.
As promised to the lords od Devon, they rode to pacify the land of the Gauls, who marauded the lands of their neighbours.
The fighting was brutal, and the Gauls used their terrain to ambush us and give us misery and death.
After months of bloodshed, we were given even worse news...

C: The Danish betrayal?

W: Oh yes...
They brooke into our lands, and took the exuse, that most lord's, busy with the fighting in Cornwall, did not payed the tribute to them.
Our home, Kent, was one of the first to bi attacked by them.
Uther's father send left his son in charge of a small force to stay in Cornwal, and rode to meet the invading army.
Most other Saxon lord did the same, they left token force, not to directly brooke the promises given to Devon and to their House of Adair.

C: This is the time you stoped being a squire, and became the Knight?

W: Yeah, not the most gloriuos way to become a knight, me and some other noble boys who served as the squires, was instatly pomoted to knight, as the real knight rode back to Kent, Berkshire, Warwick, or other places unlucky to be the victims of the terrible northmen...

C: What happened then?

W: We didn't hear much word from the east, and now, as we were weaker, the Gauls had the upper hand, and finally started to meet as in open fields...
Then came the Battle of Scilly, and there, the name of Uther, future King of all Saxons, was to be heard.

(nastavlja se)

[Michael Collins]

Evo ovako ćemo odmah.
Ako je zabranjeno na literalnom kutku pisati na engleskom, odmah ću ili preseliti, ili možda nastavim na hrvatskom.

Problem je što mi nekako na hrvatskom, sve sam to već napisao, zvučiu djetinjasto, naivno.

Također, ovo nije čisti poviejsni roman, Danska okupacija istočne Engleske je bila prije 14. i 15. stoljeća, Uther nije dokazana povijesna ličnost niti je bio Saksonac, a koristit ću imena pokrajina u relativno modernije doba, Saksonci će biti zajednički naziv i za Angle i za Sase i Jute, Škote ću zavati Pikti, a Velšane Gali, dok nisam siguran što će biti južno od Britanije, Franačka ili Francuska...

[Michael Collins]

Inače, stil će neke možda pomalo podsjećati na World War Z (dakle intervjui), ali mi je stvarna inspiracija zapravo bio roman Justinian autora Harry Turtledovea, gdje se kombiniraju sjećanja Justinijana i njegove desne ruke Mijakisa.

Još nisam odlučio koliko će uopće ljudi davati svoja svjedočanstva

[Michael Collins]

stranica 2

Cobb: That was your first realn battle, the one on Scilly?

Winter: Skirmishes aside, yes.
The Gauls were certain, that this will be the end for us.
We were outnubered 2 to one,and were concisted of young and inexperienced warriors, and older knights.
The elite forces went to fight off the Danes.
Although, we were better equipped, and we fought on opet field, the Saxon, not the Gaul way to wage war.

Cobb: How did Uther manage to take charge of the coalition Saxon army?

Winter: It wasn't easy...
Some wanted to wait for the Duke od Devon, who was in other par of Cornwall, others wanted that Robert Smith,an young and popular Duke of Dorset, lead the army.
The problem was, Smith was a terrible tactician.
He was a great tournament fighter but never actually fight before invasion of Cornwall.
Also, he personaly hated Uther, and his arrogance, started to alienate some nobles.
In the eve of the battle, a council was held in the Saxon army camp.

Two groups were formed, Susex, Essex and Berkshire supported Uther and Warwich, Dorset and Chestershire supported Roberth.

Then it was decided, there was to be a duel between Uther and Robert...

Cobb: Your name was also first heard that day?

Winter: Yes, due to the reputation of my family, i was Uthers witness, as Robert had his, that swore, that the losers arm will still follow the victor

Cobb: Do you still renember the duel?

Winter: Like it was yesterday.
They lighted the large bonfires around the fighting ground, it was night afther all, and two men entered the circle.
Robert was already legendary tournament fighter, but a big part of his tactics was to weaken or alredy defeat his opponent on a horse.
Uther was bigger and stronger, but slower fighter. He was on some tournaments, but but he didn't do anything special, a couple of wins, a couple of defeats.

Uther started first, but his heavy blows were easily dodged by slimmer and faster Robert.
Afther a vile, Uther was starting to get tired,a nd Robert started the blows.
But Robert underestimated his pace and Uther did very well to defend.
Minutes passed slowly, and both men were loosing their grip.
Then Uther did something, that will change his life forever, he threw his shield on Robert's hand, who was shocked and lost his ballance for a second, and then it was too late...
Uther jumped and catch him on his feet, causing him to fall.
When he hit the ground, Uther started hitting him with his fist, and then whit his own shield.
When he stopped, Robert was bloody and uncouncious, but alive...
Then Uther did the unthinkable, he let him live.
Mistake, that will cost him a lot later, but that is a different story...

[Michael Collins]

Karta stvarne Engleske u doba Danske invazije, neće biti skroz tako, ali radi nekog snalaženja

http://owston.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/danelaw.jpg

karta stvarnih okruga Engleske

http://www.milesfaster.co.uk/informa...ties-map-2.gif

[Dominicus]

Odličan početak:
At the begging of my journey...

[vasilijblohkin]

Dominicus kaže:

Odličan početak:
At the begging of my journey...

Na prošnji moga putovanja.
Je, na hrvatskom zvuči malo djetinjasto, naivno.

[Michael Collins]

haha, dva moja prijatelja odjednom sa savjetima

[Michael Collins]

Dominicus kaže:

Odličan početak:
At the begging of my journey...

Ovo mi je zapravo manja i glupa greška koju ću lako ispraviti.

Više me neugodno iznenadilo što sam neka vremena pomiješao, na to ću morati pažnju obratiti

[Michael Collins]

dok ispravljam prvi, stavit ću na hrvatskom stranicu 2, čisto radi usporedbe

2. stranica - na hrvatskom
Cobb: To je bila vaša prva bitka,Bitka za Scilly?

Winter: Ako ne brojimo manje čarke, da.
Gali su bili uvjereni da će nas satrat i da će to biti kraj naše invazije.
Bilo ih je dvostruko više od nas, i mi smo bili uglavnom satsalvjeni ili od mladih i neiskusnih, ili od starijih vitezova i boraca.
Elitne postrojbe i najbolji borci su hitali u susret Dancima, daleko na istoku.
Da budem pošten, mi smo ipak bili bolje opremljeni, a i borba na otovrenom polju, umjesto njima dražih zasjeda, nam je više odgovarala.

Cobb: Kako je Uther uspio preuzeti vodstvo nad takvom Saksonskom vojskom?

Winter: Nije bilo lako...
Neki su željeli da pričekamo vojvodu od Devona, koji se tada nalazio na drugom dijelu Cornwalla, drugi su na čelu vojske željeli Roberta Smitha,mladog i popularnog vojvodu od Dorseta.
Problem je bio u tome, što je Dorset bio užasan taktičar.
Bio je odličan turnirski borac, ali nikada nije vodio ljude u borbi, niti se čak borio u stvarnom ratu, prije nego se pridružio invaziji na Cornwall.
Također, postojala je osobna netrpeljivost njega i Uthera, a nejgova arogancija, odbacila je od njega i neke druge plemiće.
U večer pred bitku, održano je vijeće u Saksonskom taboru.

Dvije struje su formirane, Susex, Essex i Berkshire, dakle istočni dijelovi, podržavali su Uthera a s druge strane ,Warwich, Dorset i Chestershire, podržavahu Roberta.
Vijećalo se dugo u noć i na kraju je odlučeno - izabrat će se vođa na stari način...
Na Saksonski način...

Cobb: Slavni dvoboj Uthera i Roberta. I vaše ime se tada čulo po prvi puta?

Winter: Ja sam zbog ugleda moje obitelji izabran kao svjedok u ime Utherove vojske, da ćemo slijediti Roberta iako ubije Uthera, isto obećanje dao je netko u ime Roberta, ne sjećam mu se više imena...

Cobb: li se dvoboja i dalje sjećate?

Winter: Oh da!
Kao da je bilo jučer.
Zapaljene su velike lomače oko borilišta, i ljudi su se doslvono tukli tko će biti bliže borbenom krugu.
Robert je kao vrlo mlad bio već slavni turnirski borac, iako bi njegove borbe češće završavale rušenjem protivnika s konja, a ne toliko borba na nogama.
Uther jest bio malo veći i jači, ali i mnogo sporiji borac. I on je bio na nekoliko turnira, ali nije se posebno proslavio, par pobjeda, par poraza, ništa vrijedno spomena.

Kada su dvojica muškaraca ušla u krug, tabor je eksplodirao!
Uther je krenuo prvi zadavati udarce, ali ih je Robert sve s lakoćom izbjegavao.
Nkaon nekog vremena, vidjelo se da ga pomalo hvata umor, a onda je došao red na Roberta...
Brzim i žestokim udarcima natjerao je Uthera da se sve teže i teže brani i izgledalo je kao da će brzo biti gotovo.
U jednom trenutku, Utherov mač mu sklizne iz ruke i svi smo pomislili da je došao kraj.
Onda se dogodilo nešto što se i danas prepričava.
Uther je uzeo svoj štit i pogodio Roberta u ruku kojom je držao mač.
Robert je vrisnuo od bola, a Uther je skočio prema njemu i uhvatio ga s obje ruke za stopala, rušeći ga na zemlju.
Zatim je brutalno šakama gotovo ubio turnirskog plemića.
Ipak, uspio se zaustaviti, i nije dokrajčio Roberta, nije bilo ni potrebe za time, bitka je bila gotova,Uther je bio pobjednik,a Robert osramoćen i nevriejdan čak i da ga se ubije.

Mnogo kasnije, ovo će se pokazati kao Utherova najveća greška u životu, ali to je već neka druga priča...
__________________

[Michael Collins]

PRVA STRANICA, ispravci, ne konačno dakako

Kent, Maidstone monastery,Year of our Lord 1430.
James Cobb, Kings personal chronicler

At the beginning of my journey, I went to the place where it all began, in Kent, ancestral home of the House Pendragon.
There, I was given a great honor to personally meet the legendary John Winter, a warior and a general, who at the end of his great life, spent his last days in the unlikeliest of all places - in a monastery.
I spent a great deal of time, trying to convince him to even talk with me.
I offered him a special promise that the that the records will not be altered , on which he smiled ironically,and said, that if that were to be true, i would't come that far to become a King's propagandist.
But finally, he agreed to talk with me, we met the next day, in the courtyard.

Cobb: You are also from Kent, or did you join Uther's cause from other part of the country?

Winter: No, my lineage is from Kent, the House of Winter were vassals of the Pendragons since the days our ancestors took this land from the Gauls...

C: At what age did you become a soldier?

W: Since I was old enough to carry a sword...
We were a warrior clan, and our main purpouse was to give soldiers and allies to the Pendragons.
My father served to them, as was his father and so on...
I was 16 when i had to rule our House, since my father and brothers died athe the battlefield.

C: That was with the Danes, or was that earlier skirmish?

W: No, it was a couple of years earlier, when Vortigen, Uther's father joined other Saxon lords to wage was on the Gauls in Cornwall...
I served as a squire at the time, and we broke into Cornwall in the Year of our Lord 1365.
As promised to the lords od Devon, they rode to pacify the land of the Gauls, who marauded the lands of their neighbours.
The fighting was brutal, and the Gauls used their terrain to ambush us and give us misery and death.
After months of bloodshed, we were given even worse news...

C: The Danish betrayal?

W: Oh yes...
They brooke into our lands, and took the exuse, that most lord's, busy with the fighting in Cornwall, did not payed the tribute to them.
Our home, Kent, was one of the first to bi attacked by them.
Uther's father send left his son in charge of a small force to stay in Cornwal, and rode to meet the invading army.
Most other Saxon lord did the same, they left token force, not to directly brooke the promises given to Devon and to their House of Adair.

C: This is the time you stoped being a squire, and became the Knight?

W: Yeah, not the most gloriuos way to become a knight,
Me and some other noble boys who served as squires, were instantly pomoted to knights, as the real knights rode back to Kent, Berkshire, Warwick, or other places that had the ill fortune of being in the path of the terrible northmen...

C: What happened then?

W: We didn't hear much word from the east, and now, as we were weaker, the Gauls had the upper hand, and finally started to meet as in open fields...
Then came the Battle of Scilly, and there, the name of Uther, future King of all Saxons, was to be heard.

(nastavlja se)

[Michael Collins]

Odlučio sam promjeniti lokaciju sljedeće bitke, neće biti Scilly, nekako mi je prekomplicirano da se dođe do tamo, još moram vidjeti hoće li to biti mjesto Hayle,Camborne ili Pendeen

http://www.cornwall-online.co.uk/towns/towns1.jpg

Također, malo ću doraditi dvoboj, s Robertom, možda umjesto manje realnog hvatanja za noge će to biti udarac u jaja ili bacanje prašine.

Uther je prljav borac

[Michael Collins]

Dvoboj - ispravljeni dio

Uther je jednom rukom zagrabio šaku pijeska, a drugom zamahnuo je svojim štitomu ruku kojom je Robert držao mač.
Robert je vrisnuo od bola, a Uther mu je odmah potom bacio šaku pijeska u oči i uhvatio ga s obje ruke , rušeći ga na zemlju.
Zatim je brutalno šakama gotovo ubio turnirskog plemića.
Kada se konačno uspio zaustaviti, borba je bila gotova,Uther je bio pobjednik,a Robert je ostao krvav ležati na zemlji.
Saksonski običaj nalagao je da uzme svoj mač i dokrajči ga bez obzira je li ovaj pri svijesti ili ne.
Ali Uther je to odbio, i umjesto toga trijumfalno je podigao svoj mač u zrak, mašuči njime.
Robert je poražen, no Uther mu je zapravo dao najveći šamar toga dana - nije ga smatrao dovoljno vrijednim da ga se ubije, uvreda koja je kod Sasksonaca neoprostiva...

Mnogo kasnije, ovo će se pokazati kao Utherova najveća greška u životu, ali to je već neka druga priča...

[Wikiceha]

Jako dobro, super pitanja in medias res i zanimljivi likovi

[Michael Collins]

hvala

A sada će mi trebati par dana, treba osmisliti bitku, još joj ni ime nemam

[Wikiceha]

Michael Collins kaže:

hvala
A sada će mi trebati par dana, treba osmisliti bitku, još joj ni ime nemam

Uzmi neko životopisno ime poput kod kreštavog ponija ili nešto slično

[vasilijblohkin]

Michael Collins kaže:

hvala

A sada će mi trebati par dana, treba osmisliti bitku, još joj ni ime nemam

Samo nastoj da ne bude prebrutalna. Ima nas koji smo malo osjetljiviji.

[Michael Collins]

Wikiceha kaže:

Uzmi neko životopisno ime poput kod kreštavog ponija ili nešto slično

Ma više se razmišljam i kalkuliram kakav će teren biti

[Wikiceha]

Michael Collins kaže:

Ma više se razmišljam i kalkuliram kakav će teren biti

Moja preporuka je da uzmeš realnu bitku (po mogućnosti iz drugog kraja svijeta) ili da par njih iskombiniraš. Cornwall je pun brežuljaka pa bi bile dobre bitke iz Asturije, svete zemlje (jer saksonaca ima manje, al su iskusniji), možda nešto iz Njemačke ili Italije? Eventualno nešto iz Irske ili Engleske/Škotske/Walesa/Normandije...

[10 000]

Super ti je ovo (sad zamišljam kako ti je jebeno dok razmišljaš, smišljaš i pišeš). Odlično