Kako postati glazbeni snob u 10 koraka

[Gazelle]

The 10-step guide to being a cool music snob

Step 1: Learn these snob vocabulary terms:

• Sellout---any popular band that was once unpopular.
• Poseur---anyone who likes a sellout. Alternatively, it could mean someone who has not been a fan of a band as long as you.
• Underground—Excellent
• Commercial---Evil
• Sounds like…meets….---as in, “Band X sounds like Band Y meets Band Z.” This means Band X sounds nothing like either Band Y or Band Z. Example: “I love Moby! He sort of sound like Pantera meets Alanis Morrisette.”
• Lo-fi, indie, nu-metal, poppy, retro, anarchist, authentic, awesome, infectious, experimental---terms with no meaning that can be applied to almost anything. Use as often as possible.

Step 2: Familiarize yourself with these bands: The Pixies, The Velvet Underground, Sonic Youth, Beck Fugazi. You must love these bands. If you don’t, then you are not cool.

Step 3: Familiarize yourself with these bands: Goo Goo Dolls, Blink 182, Limp Bizkit, The Strokes, Linkin Park. You must hate these bands. If you don’t, then you are not cool.

Step 4: Familiarize yourself with these bands: Nirvana, Tool, Radiohead, Metallica, The Beatles, The Who, R.E.M., Pearl Jam, Moby, The Beastie Boys. You are allowed to have your own opinion on these bands, but they must be expert opinions, backed up by absolute proof that your theory is correct. For example “Nirvana is a good band, but they aren’t Pixies good. Too poppy. Just listen to Incesticide, and you’ll see that their songwriting capabilities are far inferior, despite their best efforts.” You should be able to name every one of their songs, albums, concerts and members. You must also like their first albums far better than their last albums. If you don’t, then you are not cool.

Step 5: Discover at least 5 bands that no one has ever heard of. Memorize them, and brag to other music snobs about how great they are and how you saw them in concert, and how you are the first to know about them. I, personally, was a System of a Down fan even before they released their first, self titled album. I can now simultaneously mock other so-called SOAD poseur fans who had barely heard of them before “Chop Suey!” feel superior to them, AND despise SOAD for being sellouts to the Man.

Step 6: Realize that every other aspiring music snob is trying to do the same thing as you, and find unknown bands to become fans of. Therefore, you must familiarize yourself with every band that has ever existed. Then, when someone says to you, “I saw this band Queens of the Stone Age, who you have probably never heard of, in concert, and they were awesome! Their self titled album is great!”, you can say “You only know their self titles album? I’ve been a QOTSA fan ever since their first EP! Poseur.”

Step 7: If you abbreviate the name of a band for no reason, you are obviously knowledgeable about this band, and are not one to be messed with. When you refer to And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead as AYWKUBTTOD, and actually pronounce it correctly, it is immediately clear that your knowledge of the band is immense.

Step 8: Create your own genres when referring to music. It’s really easy, here are some examples: Rapmetalcore Ambientoid Technotic Trance Austro-Zimbabwean Crazed Drumming The Cosmic Super Happy Retro Sound The Nu-Reggae Movement. Try to fit every type of your music into your genre, so it encompasses all recorded music.

Step 9: Start a band. It doesn’t matter if you are not talented…that shouldn’t hinder your chances of getting on MTV, in theory. But you don’t want to get on MTV. You don’t even really want to write or perform music. You just want to be able to say you are part of a band, one far superior to every other band ever.

Step 10: Keep in mind that you are the world’s resident musical expert. No one knows more than you, and no one should even dare challenge you. You are a force to be reckoned with. You are a cool music snob.

[cody]

ZAKON!!!

tocka 10 je najbolja

[Liberatore]

dodao bi jos i termin "post rock". najrazbacivaniji jos od "post modernizma"...valjda ima neka fatalna atrakcija (slusajte ove ucene rijeci moje, te anglizme, vid se da sam cito klajica) oko rijeci 'post'.

[anch_io]

e jebiga, ja se prepoznao u ovom tekstu...

ZAKON!!!!

np. aywkubttod - mach schau

[Gianluca Vialli]

...hahaha....Gazelle, ovo je odlično.........stvarno zakon................

[shipka]

Ma kad kazes "AYWKUBTTOD", to nije cool kao "...TOD"

Ja sam skratio skraćenicu! Ja sam najcool!

[Tufir II]

E sad mi je jasno gdje sam kikso

[~Jesen]

odlično
btw liberatore, shipka - you got the point
dada, treba proširit pravila.

[maquialdora]

Originally posted by Gazelle
The 10-step guide to being a cool music snob

korak 1:

sellout - taj sam, tojest koristim taj izraz, ali sve manje u zadnje vrijeme

poser - ne koristim

commercial - evil - koristim

ostalo ne koristim

znači 0.5 bodova

korak 2:

ne slušam te bendove (jednom slušah sonic youth ali to je premalo)

znači 0 bodova

korak 3:

ne mrzim te bendove ali niti ih volim pa evo...

0.5 bodova

korak 4:

o da.. samo pitajte pupobljaka (koji doduše rijetko posta) kako nekad znam zasrat.

gotovo bih si a o 2 boda ali pravila su pravila.... znači:

1 bod

korak 5:

volim otkrivat nove bendove ali ne smatram da su drugi luzeri ako su ih otkrili nakon mene... pa evo:

0.5 bodova

korak 6:

0 bodova

korak 7:

0 bodova

korak 8:

0 bodova

korak 9:

1 bod

korak 10:

0.5 bodova (ipak ja sve znam o prodigy-ju, mogu o njima satima pričati...., jebiga dječačka zaluđenost... a volim se udubiti i u neke druge stvari pa... se onda teško utječe na mene (check pupobljak again)ž

ukupan zbroj:

4 boda,.... ako je pola za prolaznu ocjenu, onda nisam uspio, iako se i ovih 40% činoi zastrašujućim, i'll work on it


btw. zakon topic....

samo što se oni pozeri sa ovog foruma nikad neće izjasnit (ajde panone priznaj nam sve, vidjeh tvoj popis kolekcije cedeja, ima tu materijala... neboj se ništa)

i da pozdravljam vas sve idem se ubit i kako timothy kaže

why not?
why not.
why not!
why not...
why not?!

[Ollienntsh]

Maq, ne zajebavaj se tako, ko ce onda drzat mikrofon?

Jebote sta bit snob znaci govorit engleski?? Jebot pamet necu ja to citat.

[pozdraf!]

ajd, ovo me bar nasmijalo. ne kuzim takve ljude iliti muzicke snobove, ono, moraju znati kad i gdje je koji bend nastao, tko su im utjecaji, koja je vrsta glazbe, a onda dolazi i sve ono sto je navedeno...

[shipka]

E, kako vi snobovi govorite "malim" ljudima koji slušaju samo mtv što slušate? Jer oni nisu nikad čuli ni za osnove tipa pixies i sonic youth. Njima je to što mi slušamo neki drugi svijet za kojeg nisu ni čuli niti znaju da postoji. Kako da im onda odgovorim na pitanje "što slušaš"?

[*Deathless*]

Originally posted by shipka
E, kako vi snobovi govorite "malim" ljudima koji slušaju samo mtv što slušate? Jer oni nisu nikad čuli ni za osnove tipa pixies i sonic youth. Njima je to što mi slušamo neki drugi svijet za kojeg nisu ni čuli niti znaju da postoji. Kako da im onda odgovorim na pitanje "što slušaš"?

to je najbolji dio snobizma... ja se samo nadmoćno nasmješim i velim: to za kaj ti nikad nisi niti čul/a ..... haha..... ne, al rado snimam cedeje okolo, nisam neka škrtica...

[Mikilegendo!care!]

Originally posted by *Deathless*
ne, al rado snimam cedeje okolo, nisam neka škrtica...

Takodjer...neki put me frendovi cudno gledaju (npr. zadnji Xiu Xiu ), a nekad su i zadovoljni (moja kompilacija Velveta )
Jebiga...

[panon youth]

ja nikom ne dajem svoje cedeje jer moje frendove ni ne zanima šta ja slušam, a družim se s tipovima koji slušaju ili granđ ili riblju čorbu, azru, pušenje i yu-rok općenito+edo majka, što je jedino na čem smo se našli. al ipak sam jednom bio uvalio flejming lipse i svidjelo mu se. jučer je baš došo da pokupi hrpu novih cedeja. najvjerojatnije će ih odmah sutra vratit, al možd nešt i prođe.

[shipka]

Ja sam svojima probo provući i Lipse i Mercury rev (neki normalniji), i još puno lijepih stvari i ništa nije prošlo. Drugi voli Pixise, ali samo zato jer je čuo da su legende. Za sve drugo ću se morati pomučiti.

[lady a]

Idu mi na živce ljudi koji misle ako slušaju Pixies da su strašno cool i da je svima ostalima koji to ne slušaju slon prdnuo u uho (ispričavam se na izrazu)...Znam par takvih ljudi, jer su studirali sa mnom ...U potpunosti odgovaraju onom opisu...

Meni se ta mjuza nešto posebno ne sviđa, ali nisam zbog toga debil i ne znači da obožavam narodnjake ili one gluposti što se vrte po MTV-u..

Uglavnom slušam Leonarda Cohena( Pixies mu nisu do koljena što se tiče tekstova), dobar mi je i Cave,Norah Jones,volim slušati i Arethu Franklin, Boba Dylana itd..

To slušam jer mi se sviđa i ne mislim da sam zbog toga više (ili manje ) vrijedna od nekog tko sluša nešto deseto..

[Drito Konj]

da, da a onda ja snimi tipu dupli fuurkust i novi aargothslot sa trembling flopsima split cd
no od the don jonhsons mi je najbolji prvi album
mislim, kome da ja objasnjavam ista kad ne zna tko je daargs vooerkenhstdaal i di te tocno napio s albinijem te sto su pili dok su razglabali o utjecaju mladena burnaca na post rock produkciju
u jemenu
prokleta emtivi generacija
jebem im mater

[shipka]

Originally posted by lady a
Uglavnom slušam Leonarda Cohena( Pixies mu nisu do koljena što se tiče tekstova)

Ahaha, pa ne slušaju se Pixies zbog tekstova
Ma vidi, pixies nisu nikako i ni u kojem slučaju glazba za svakoga. I ne kažem to na način da su samo za ljude koji vole dobru muziku, ne! Isto kao i Death Metal ili kajaznam klasična eksperimentalna glazba nisu za svakoga. Jedino ljudi kojima je glazba i istraživanje iste posao mogu slušati ama baš sve, ostali smrtnici slušaju kaj im se sviđa. Jedini problem je kad se slušaju narodnjaci . Ne, ovo nije dobro ispalo. Po ovome mojem bi i narodnjaci trebali biti u istom rangu. A kajaznam, nisam još uspio naći formulu po kojoj bi nekome mogao čvrsto i osnovano dokazati da su narodnjaci zlo. Jel netko drugi našao?