Izgleda da smo na humor zaboravili pa netko mora početi.
Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."
The disciples looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter, "What on earth does Jesus mean - the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9?
Peter said, "Don't worry. It's just another one of his parabolas."
why wasn't jesus born in slovenia?
they couln'd find a virgin and three wise men.
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"And that is the most important topic on earth: peace. What kind of peace do I mean and what kind of a peace do we seek? Not a Pax Americana enforced on the world by American weapons of war. Not the peace of the grave or the security of the slave. I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living, ..."
Tip: Dobar dan, molim vas, koliko vam dođe ova tkanina?
Prodavač: 10 kuna po metru, gospodine.
Tip: Dobro, zamotajte mi dva metra te tkanine.
(Dok prodavač umotava):
Tip: A koliko su vam ove čarape?
Prodavač: 5 kuna po paru, gospodine.
Tip Znate što, ajde ja vama ostavljam tkaninu, a umjesto nje dajte mi 4 pari čarapa.
Prodavač: U redu gospodine (i zamota mu čarape)
(na izlasku)
Tip: Pa, doviđenja!
Prodavač: Ali, gospodine, niste platili čarape!!!
Tip: Paaa, zamijenio sam tkaninu za njih.
Prodavač: Ali ni tkaninu niste platili!
Tip: Paaa, zato što ju ni ne uzimam.
Prodavač: Aha, oprostite gospodine, doviđenja...
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Velika je vjerojatnost da će se odgovor na neko bitno pitanje nalaziti izvan okvira našeg razmišljanja.
A young boy attending public school was failing at math. His parents, desparate to see his grades improve, moved him to a Catholic school where they were sure that the lower student-teacher ratio would be of benefit. Sure enough, after only a week at the school, the young boy passed his first math test with an "A". The parents, overjoyed at the turnaround, questioned the boy on his success. He answered, "I saw that these people were really serious about math when I looked up at the wall and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign!"
Matematičari ne umiru, oni samo gube neke svoje funkcije.
Bili matematičar i fizičar. I trebali oni izmjerit visinu flagpolea (onaj vrag na kaj se natakne zastava, nemrem nać dobru hrvatsku riječcu za to). I bi flagpole previsok. I misle si ovi da kaj će oni napravit.
I sjeti se matematičar i počne se penjat s metrom u ruci. i Dođe on do dva metra, al ne usudi se dalje.
Misli si fizičar i ode on po ljestve.
I donese on ljestve, ali avaj!!! Ljestve bješe prekratke.
Sad si oni opet misle i pozovo strojara (dipl. ing.). I dođe on, malo pregleda taj flagpole, skuži da ga se može odvrnut iz zemlje, odvrne on njega, položi na zemlju, izmjeri i vrati nazad.
Gledaju to matematičar i fizičar i šapne matematičar fizičaru:
"Viš ti ovog glupog strojara. Kažeš mu izmjeri visinu, a on izmjeri duljinu!"
More to come
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You can't spell fundamentalist dogma without spelling fun.
Mama je 21 godinu starija od kceri.
Za 6 godina ce mama biti 5x starija od kceri.
Gdje je otac?
S malo matematike doci cete do odgovora ;-)
- kcer ima X godina
- mama ima Y godina
- X+21=Y
- za 6. godina: 5(X+6)=Y+6
-------------------------------------------------
5X+30 = X+21+6
4X = -3
X = -3/4
Dakle, kci danas ima -3/4 godine, sto ce reci -9 mjeseci,
Dakle, otac je upravo na mami!!!
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"And that is the most important topic on earth: peace. What kind of peace do I mean and what kind of a peace do we seek? Not a Pax Americana enforced on the world by American weapons of war. Not the peace of the grave or the security of the slave. I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living, ..."
An engineer walks into a room, sees a fire in a trash can and a fire extinguisher on a table. He grabs the extinguisher and puts out the fire.
A mathemetician walks in to the same situation. Same result.
The engineer comes into another room with a fire in a trash can and an extinguisher on a shelf on the wall. He grabs the extinguisher and puts out the fire.
The mathemetician walks into the same situation. He grabs the extinguisher, puts it on the table, says "a solution exists", and walks out.
Bili matematičar, fizičar i biolog i sjedili oni u kafiću.
U zgradu preko puta uđoše dvije osobe.
Nakon cca 10 minuta iziđoše tri osobe.
I kaže biolog:
"Mora da su se razmnožili"
Kaže fizičar:
"To je greška u mjerenju"
I kaže matematičar:
"Ako sada točno jedna osoba uđe, zgrada će opet biti prazna"
Koliko je beskonačno puta i?
8!
Koliko je matematičara potrebno da se zamijeni žarulja?(aj velma, tu si ti dobra )
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You can't spell fundamentalist dogma without spelling fun.
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
Theology is a game whose object is to bring rules into the subjective.
Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."
Physics professor has been doing an experiment, and has worked out an emphirical equation that seems to explain his data. He asks the math professor to look at it.
A week later, the math professor says the equation is invalid. By then, the physics professor has used his equation to predict the results of further experiments, and he is getting excellent results, so he asks the math professor to look again.
Another week goes by, and they meet once more. The math professor tells the physics professor the equation does work, "But only in the trivial case where the numbers are real and positive."
Lokacija: Where the world is hollow and I can touch the sky.
Postova: 11,746
Matematičar
(a) Netko kome je tvrdnja: "Integral od minus beskonačno do beskonačno funkcije exp(-x^2) je jednak drugom korijenu od pi." isto tako očigledna kao što je tvrdnja "2+2=4" očigledna vama.
(b) Osoba koja može brojati do dvadeset bez da skida cipele. -- Mickey Mouse
(c) Čovjek koji, za ne više od godinu dana, riješi jednadžbu x^2-92y^2=1. -- Brahmagupta
Matematika
(a) Igra bez cilja s pravilima bez smisla i s igračima koji najčešće ne znaju što rade.
(b) Igračka koju nam je dobacila priroda kako bi nas utješila i zabavila u ovoj dolini suza. -- D' Alembert
Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others" he is told by the doorman.
Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"
"And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"
"And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!"
"That's wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!"
Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80."
Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?"
A mathematician and an engineer attend a lecture by a physicist. The topic concerns Kulza-Klein theories involving physical processes that occur in spaces with dimensions of 9, 12 and even higher. The mathematician is sitting, clearly enjoying the lecture, while the engineer is frowning and looking generally confused and puzzled. By the end the engineer has a terrible headache. At the end, the mathematician comments about the wonderful lecture.
The engineer says "How do you understand this stuff?" Mathematician: "I just visualize the process."
Engineer: "How can you visualize something that occurs in 9-dimensional space?"
M-cian: "Easy, first visualize it in N-dimensional space, then let N go to 9."
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