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Kućni ljubimci Za vlasnike pasa, mačaka i ostalih kućnih životinjica
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Old 02.09.2010., 22:15   #1
Merry Gentry
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Citati, izreke, aforizmi, pjesme, priče i slike o psima i mačkama

Već duže vrijeme skupljam razne izreke,citate,aforizme,pričice i smiješne stvari o psima i mačkama.
Neke su stvarno jako lijepe,neke su smiješne i duhovite...a sve su nevjerojatno istinite. Od nekih ti se plače i srce te boli od tuge, od nekih umireš od smijeha.
Mislim da bi bilo dobro imati jednu temu gdje ćemo moći objavljivati ovakve stvari (ako moderatori misle da je nepotrebno slobodno neka zaključaju )

Evo, za početak ću ja staviti par meni najdražih:

WHAT I ASKED FOR, WHAT I NEEDED

When I got my new dog

I asked for strength that I might rear her perfectly;
I was given weakness that I might feed her more treats.

I asked for good health that I might rest easy;
I was given a "special needs" dog that I might know nurturing.

I asked for an obedient dog that I might feel proud;
I was given stubbornness that I might feel humble.

I asked for compliance that I might feel masterful;
I was given a clown that I might laugh

I asked for a companion that I might not feel lonely;
I was given a best friend that I would feel loved.

I got nothing I asked for,
But everything that I needed.
I got a dog




“A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, big or small, young or old. He doesn't care if you're not smart, not popular, not a good joke-teller, not the best athlete, nor the best-looking person. To your dog, you are the greatest, the smartest, the nicest human being who was ever born. You are his friend and protector.”



“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.”




Dogs are our link to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring -- it was peace.
--Milan Kundera



Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.

3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't
need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.

Neke od ovih pravila sam već upotrijebila na "prijateljima i poznanicima" koji dođu i frču nosom na psa i mačku u stanu, usput imam i savršen odgovor na vječito pizanje - Zašto nemate djecu?

Na ovo sam se odvalila od smijeha - ko' da je stvarno pas pisao

*A Dog's Diary*

5:30am: Started the day as a hero! When the sound of the newspaper hitting the driveway roused me from my deep slumber -- the impact indicating the paper was much heavier than normal -- I realized that no one in the house was yet awake! I roused my master by licking him in the face. He appeared very angry with himself for having overslept, shouting and waving his arms. His ill temper even seemed directed at me a bit, which is silly since it is I who saved him from being fired. Funny thing though: He didn't go into work, but spent the morning leafing through the large newspaper and drinking coffee. He seems to do this once a week, and I don't know why.

7:30am: Invaders! The people who live next door came out into their yard, obviously getting ready to lay siege to our house. Snarling and barking, I let them know in no uncertain terms that I was prepared to tear them from limb to limb it they came any closer, and was able to repel the invasion. This is an almost daily occurrence; you'd think they'd learn. My master added his voice to the fray as well, yelling angrily. I am sure the people couldn't hear him, but it was nice of him to lend his support.

10:00am: I was forced to move, as the patch of sun in which I was lying had, for some reason, slid over a few feet. It's not easy being a dog.
1:00pm: I have the most thoughtful master in the world! While it's true he left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat for me on the kitchen counter. It was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish he'd skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my teeth. The roast was delicious, though frozen in the center. I don't
want to seem ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard beef is hardly my idea of a delicacy.

2:00pm: Most unpleasant experience when my master returned home and was furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering my present. He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other debris and raving in a most irrational fashion. I'm sorry, but he should know that I can't eat that stuff; it makes my stomach upset.
When he began rolling up a newspaper I realized he'd lost all reason and bolted for the front door, which was fortunately open just a crack.
4:00pm: Spent the afternoon with the girls. A most productive day; I was able to mark territory for two blocks. "Drip 'til you drop" is our motto. We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat scraps and bread served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids. Ran into that rogue Sebastian, who lifted his leg with irritating nonchalance -- does he think I don't know about his obsession with Muffy, that snotty schnauzer from down the road? Last month there wasn't a male in the neighborhood who couldn't be found outside her fence, and Sebastian was at the head of the pack. I let him know I want nothing more to do with him.

5:00pm: What a treat! On the way home a flock of ravens drew my attention to a squirrel that had been flattened by a car. After several days in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver. I rolled in the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I positively radiated eau de roadkill. Let Sebastian drool over Muffy -- he doesn't know what he's missing.

6:00pm: Of all the times to get a bath! My master, still in a foul mood, made me stand outside in the chill air while he shampooed and rinsed me several times. Every time I shook the water from my fur he, too, became drenched, and in the end he was shivering. Why in the world does he do stuff like this?

9:00pm: Time to sleep, though I am not allowed on the bed whenever anyone's home. Ah, the life of a dog.


Sorry što je sve na engleskom, ali najviše ih je i najbolji su

A, sad malo vi dajte doprinos vašim najdražim izrekama/citatima/pričama...
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Old 02.09.2010., 22:24   #2
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Priključit ću se s jednim vicem. Nije baš ono što ti hoćeš, ali strašno mi se svidjelo.

Dakle, čovjeku jednog dana na vrata i u vrt bane pas, s ogrlicom, dobro uhranjen, sjajne dlake, znači, nije lutalica. Uđe u hodnik, smjesti se u kut i odspava sat-dva. Nakon toga ustane, dođe do vrata i zatraži da ga se pusti van. I tako dan za danom, tjedan za tjednom. Konačno, iz čiste radoznalosti, čovjek na ogrlicu prikvači poruku u kojoj obavještava vlasnika o čudnom ponašanju njegovog psa. Sutradan, pas se vraća, s odgovorom na ogrlici: "Ovaj pas živi u obitelji sa šestero djece, bakom i djedom, pa traži mjesto gdje će malo odspavati. Smijem li sutra i ja doći s njim?"
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Old 02.09.2010., 22:27   #3
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Old 02.09.2010., 22:30   #4
Merry Gentry
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dobaaar Didi!

Naravno da mogu i vicevi, sve što ima veze s psima/macama/kućnim ljubimcima, a u tekstualnom je obliku i zanimljivo!
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Old 02.09.2010., 22:51   #5
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Zanimljiva tema

Evo malo i mog doprinosa (Svačeg po malo):

Zašto je bolje imati psa nego ženu:
1. Roditelji vašeg psa vas neće stalno posjećivati.
2. Pas vas voli i kad ostavite odjeću na podu.
3. Pas se ne zadržava dugo u kupaonici, samo srkne malo vode iz WC školjke.
4. Pas ne očekuje da ćete mu se javiti telefonom.
5. Pas neće poludjeti ako zaboravite njegov rođendan.
6. Psa baš briga za vaše prethodne pse u životu.
7. Pas neće zamjeriti ako pomazite drugog psa.
8. Pas ne očekuje cvijeće za Valentinovo.
9. Što se kasnije pojavite kod kuće, pas vam se više veseli.

Što su lovci?
Naoružana skupina muškaraca koja u birtiju umjesto cestom ide šumom.

Pravila za nevlasnike ljubimaca koji nam dolaze u posjet i rado se žale na naše ljubimce:
1. Pas živi ovdje. Vi ne živite.
2. Ako vam smeta pseća dlaka na odjeći, ne sjedajte na kauće i stolice.
3. Moj mi se pas sviđa više nego većina ljudi.
4. Vama je ona pas. Meni je ona usvojena kći koja je niska, dlakava, hoda na sve četiri i nerazgovijetno govori.
5. Psi su bolji od djece. Manje jedu, ne traže neprestano novac, lakše ih je odgojiti, obično dođu kad ih pozoveš, nikad ne voze moj auto, ne druže se s narkomanima, ne piju i ne puše, nije ih briga za modernu odjeću, ne nose moju odjeću, ne trebaju milijardu dolara za školovanje, a ako ostanu trudni, štenad možeš prodati.

Sve navedeno odnosi se također na mačke, naravno, samo što one čovjeka potpuno ignoriraju dok se konačno iscrpljen ne smjesti udobno i zaspi.

Upao lopov u neki stan i počeo da pretura po stvarima... Odjednom čuje glas:
- Bog sve vidi! Bog sve vidi!
Pogleda on i vidi papagaja...
- Bog sve vidi! Bog sve vidi!
Lopov se nasmeja i upita ga:
- Kako se ti zoveš, glupa ptico?
- Anđelko! Anđelko!
- Baš čudno ima za papagaja!
- I Bog je čudno ime za rotvajlera!
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Old 02.09.2010., 22:56   #6
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How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
DACHSHUND: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
ROTTWEILER: Make me!
BOXER: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
LAB: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
GERMAN SHEPHERD: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
OLD ENGLISH SHEEP DOG: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light.
POINTER: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there........
COCKER SPANIEL: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
CHIHUAHUA: Yo quiero Toco Bulb.
AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.........
GREYHOUND: It isn't moving. Who cares?

THE CAT'S ANSWER: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is "How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.



Baš su dobro opisali karakter svake pojedine pasmine
A ovo za mačku - so true¨

@Ben Marshall - baš dobro što si našao ova pravila za nevlasnike ljubimaca na hrv., ja sam postala to isto ali na engleskom!
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Old 03.09.2010., 00:11   #7
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neki dan je kod Milića u emisiji bila ekipica omiljenih nam političara s "cuckima"

uglavnom,oduševila me Milićeva izjava,mislim,umirao sam od smijeha :

"kako znaš da te pas voli više od žene ?
Zatvori ih oboje u prtljažnik,,i ostavi dva sata.
kada se vrati š i otvoriš ga,pas će ti se veseliti i radosno mahati repom.
A kada otvoriš ženi...bolje da te nema "

ima tu nešta...
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Old 03.09.2010., 10:11   #8
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Super tema!

Kada mački nešto narediš, ona tu naredbu proslijedi svom repu.
Macji slušni aparat je napravljen tako da dozvoljava ljudskom glasu da lako uđe na jedno uho i odmah izađe na drugo.
Psi se odazovu kada ih pozovete, mačke prime poruku i jave vam se kasnije.
Žene i mačke će raditi što ih je volja, a muškarci i psi se trebaju opustiti i priviknuti se na tu ideju.
Svatko tko je proveo određeno vrijeme u društvu mačke dobro zna da mačke imaju puno razumijevanja kada su u pitanju ograničenja ljudske vrste.
Mačke mi se u tolikoj mjeri motaju oko nogu da i kod kuće a i kada izađem, hodam kao da surfam.
Psi vjeruju da su ljudi. Mačke vjeruju da su bogovi.
Zanimljivo, ne postoji način da čovjek govoreći o mačkama prođe kao normalna osoba.
"Mjau" je kao i "Aloha", može značiti bilo šta.
I najmanja mačka je remek djelo.
Svaki vlasnik zna da nitko ne posjeduje mačku.
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
Tko god je rekao da ne možeš kupiti sreću, zaboravio je na psiće.
Kada je čovjekov najbolji prijatelj pas, taj pas ima ozbiljan problem.
Podragajte psa i našli ste stalno zaposlenje.

I na kraju jedna plavošapska: One cat just leads to another
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Old 03.09.2010., 11:46   #9
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jjadra kaže: Pogledaj post
Psi vjeruju da su ljudi. Mačke vjeruju da su bogovi.
Da, ali samo zato jer jesu...?



A ima ih još (Freiya):



Da ne filtriram i ne tipkam, više o bastet ovdje, i mučicama u religiji ovdje, a o psinama ovdje.
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Old 03.09.2010., 14:18   #10
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jjadra kaže: Pogledaj post
Super tema!

I na kraju jedna plavošapska: One cat just leads to another
Eh, a znate li tko je ovo rekao?

Ernest Hemingway. Veliki ljubitelj mačaka. Slijedeći tu devizu nakupio ih je 42. U svojoj prekrasnoj kući na Kubi.

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Old 03.09.2010., 14:23   #11
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TurbulentFluid kaže: Pogledaj post
Da, ali samo zato jer jesu...?
Tibetanci pričaju da su mačke nekada vladale zemljom, hodale na dvije noge i bile veličine današnjih ljudi. Ali, bile su toliko lijene i samozadovoljne i beskorisne - cijele dane su se samo izležavale, prale i lickale - da su ih bogovi degradirali i osudili na to što su danas.


I da - Merry Gentry - odlična tema! .

Zadnje uređivanje LinaLena : 03.09.2010. at 14:28.
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Old 03.09.2010., 14:48   #12
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LinaLena kaže: Pogledaj post
Eh, a znate li tko je ovo rekao?

Ernest Hemingway. Veliki ljubitelj mačaka. Slijedeći tu devizu nakupio ih je 42. U svojoj prekrasnoj kući na Kubi.

Točno

I danas je njegova kuća, tj. muzej, dom 60-ak mačaka. Veliki broj tih mačaka ima više prstiju nego je uobičajeno, i zovu se hemingway mačke.
http://www.hemingwayhome.com/HTML/our_cats.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polydactyl_cat

Još koja izreka:
Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat
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Old 15.05.2012., 11:36   #13
Ines voli Zitu
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Bok
Ja sam nova ovdje i zanima me jel mogu postaviti slike moje Zite.
Zelim podjeliti sa vama neke smijesne trenutke sa njom
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Old 15.05.2012., 12:09   #14
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Ines, otkud si onda iskopala ovu temu

Slike stavljaš na fotoalbum

http://www.forum.hr/forumdisplay.php?f=202
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Old 04.08.2012., 20:47   #15
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Thumbs up Slike....sličice...smiješne , tužne..svakakve !

Možemo li imati temu sa slikama životinja ?
Meni su takve slike najdraže pa mislim da bismo uživali gledajući. Životinje svih vrsta - mace , kuce , ptičice , konji , ovce....ma sve.
Ja bih počela sa par : ( a vi samo nastavite )


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Old 04.08.2012., 20:49   #16
Didi
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Ne. Ovo je podforum o kućnim ljubimcima, a ovo što ti predlažeš prije spada na Svijet oko nas. Hoćeš da ti temu prebacim tamo?
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Old 04.08.2012., 20:51   #17
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ne znam kak će ti ovo proći

ali meni jedna od dražih

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Old 04.08.2012., 20:55   #18
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Didi kaže: Pogledaj post
Ne. Ovo je podforum o kućnim ljubimcima, a ovo što ti predlažeš prije spada na Svijet oko nas. Hoćeš da ti temu prebacim tamo?
Ma jooooj , ja sam baš htjela da bude ovdje...da se malo zabavimo. Pa i radi se o kućnim ljubimcima.
Ali ako mora biti tako....
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Old 04.08.2012., 20:58   #19
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Imamo negdje temu o vicevima, šalama i slično o kućnim ljubimcima. Ajde je potraži pa da spojimo s tim. To bi već imalo smisla, a i dobar je kompromis? Što kažeš?

Naime, ovdje stavljamo fotke svojih kućnih ljubimaca.
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Old 04.08.2012., 21:02   #20
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Didi kaže: Pogledaj post
Imamo negdje temu o vicevima, šalama i slično o kućnim ljubimcima. Ajde je potraži pa da spojimo s tim. To bi već imalo smisla, a i dobar je kompromis? Što kažeš?

Naime, ovdje stavljamo fotke svojih kućnih ljubimaca.
Dobro....ja takvu temu nisam našla. Gdje je ?
Ako možeš , stavi je negdje naprijed da prelistam.
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